Smokey Bear VS McGruff the Crime Dog
Smokey VS McGruff is the upcoming 83rd episode of DEATH BATTLE, featuring Smokey the Bear from the United States Forest Service and McGruff the Crime Dog from the National Crime Prevention Council in a battle between PSA mascots. Smokey will be voiced by Christopher Sabat and McGruff will be voiced by Chris Rager. Description Take a bite out of this ultimate battle of mascots! Interlude (*Cues: Invader - Jim Johnston*) Boomstick: When it comes to public service, two animals have gone far beyond the call of duty. Smokey Bear, the firefighting mascot of forest safety. Wiz: And McGruff the Crime Dog, taking a bite out of crime wherever he goes. They're known throughout the world as the symbols of safety. So let's make them fight to the death. Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick. Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who will win...a Death Battle Smokey Wiz: In 1944, America's forests faced an ever increasing threat, with nearly 16 million men battling Nazi's overseas, little manpower remained to combat the spread of forest fires. Every year, thirty million acres of trees would go up in smoke. Boomstick: Damn, that's even more trees than Snoop Dogg can burn! Wiz: America needed a new hero, someone who could prevent these disastrous blazes from occurring in the first place. Boomstick: And then along came a loveable cartoon bear named Smokey. Smokey: So remember, only you can prevent forest fires. Wiz: As a mascot, Smokey Bear did what he could to inspire the American people, he even partnered with Bambi to teach the ways of fire safety. However, Smokey was still merely a dream, a figment of imagination, until one fateful day in the Capitan Mountains of New Mexico. Boomstick: What do you know, a forest fire broke out, the mountain trees were annihilated in a blaze so intense, the thirty firefighters called to action were almost incinerated, thousands of forest critters either fled or died, all but one. Wiz: Atop a smoldering tree clung a lone survivor, a small black bear cub, his paws burnt, his family lost to the flames. Boomstick: So after firefighters rescued him, there was only one name that fit: Smokey. Wiz: Well, first they named him "Hotfoot Teddy", but they couldn't waste such a great PR opportunity. Boomstick: Adopted into the National Zoo at Washington DC, young Smokey became the living symbol of fire prevention. They even made an animated short of his new official origin story, and it's...pretty horrifying, actually. Wiz: The public adored young Smokey, he received so much fan mail, he had to get his own zip code, and since then, Smokey has successfully helped prevent forest fires and promote fire safety for over seventy years. Boomstick: And boy oh boy, has he done a good job. Smokey: Drown your campfires with water, make sure it's totally wet, then stir it and drown it again. Wiz: Indeed, in just the first twenty years, annual forest fire damage dropped over eighty percent. Boomstick: Yeah, thanks to Smokey's advice, I've never started a forest fire in my entire life. Wiz: I don't believe that. Boomstick: To my knowledge, I mean, I've had plenty of opportunities. Wiz: Well, I'm impressed, I didn't think you took anybody's advice so seriously. Boomstick: Why wouldn't I take Smokey's? This guy started a fire safety club, picked up ventriloquism, and even taught the Addams Family to put out fires, you know, the people who love pain and things that are generally bad for you? Wiz: He's befriended the creatures of the forest, much like a Disney princess, and even infiltrated Disney itself to teach their characters about fire safety. Also, unlike most mascots at the time, he's successfully protected his dignity through the toughest social experience in recent history: The nineties. (We see him in a hip hop video) Smokey: (rapping) Respect the forest, protect our trees, (he stops) Oh, what am I doing?, (he removes the hip hop outfit) Director: Cut! Smokey: This isn't me. Director: Smoke, we agreed you'd talk to kids in their language. (Smokey puts on his iconic hat) Smokey: I know, but I'll just give it to them straight. Boomstick: Oh, and in case you forgot, he's also a God damn bear. Wiz: An American Black Bear, to be precise, the largest black bears are over seven feet tall and exceed eight hundred pounds, which seems to match Smokey's own size. Boomstick: Smokey's got plenty to fight with, like his razor sharp claws, his trusty shovel, and enough muscle to rip your arm off Chewbacca style. And then you have to worry about fighting a bear who's "armed". Wiz: Very punny, Boomstick, what's next? A "right to bear arms" joke? Boomstick: Hey, stop stealing my material. McGruff Wiz: Let me take you on a trip back to the late 1970's, also known as the feel-good decade, a time where individualism and personal liberation took center stage, but not everybody took that as a sign of peace. Boomstick: Yeah, domestic crime was getting bad, like, really bad. At the turn of the decade, the American people made a hero to save them from themselves, a...dog in a trench-coat. Wiz: This canine began his campaign modestly enough, but he needed a name. After eight months of polling, he was given one, along with an unforgettable slogan. McGruff: Take a bite outta crime. Boomstick: McGruff, the Crime Dog. Wiz: Focused and determined to make that bite count, McGruff hit the streets hard and fast, in just a year, more than fifty percent of Americans had seen at least one McGruff advertisement. McGruff: Cause teenagers are the victims of over 2,000 violent crimes by strangers everyday. You can help stop it. Boomstick: That's cause he was willing to get his job done by any means possible, even if it meant ultimate embarrassment, he used commercials, cartoons, comic books, video games, musicals. Wiz: He even released his own anti-drug album, (*Cue: Cocaine and Crack - McGruff the Crime Dog*) Wiz: with such classic singles as "Crack and Cocaine". McGruff: (Singing) Cause nobodies needing that crack and cocaine, making a mess of your mind. Wiz: And "Inhalants". (*Cue: Inhalants - McGruff the Crime Dog*) Kids: Don't do inhalants. McGruff: You'll be suffering pain. Kids: Smart kids say no. McGruff: Because inhalants kill. Boomstick: Yeah, it's really, really bad. Wiz: As McGruff's plan generally targeted children rather than current criminals, it required patience and time, but it worked, over the next few decades, crime dropped exponentially, the next generation of America was smarter and safer. Boomstick: Now some of you may be thinking, "Hey, you can't prove McGruff was responsible for all of that!", and I say to you, can you prove he wasn't? Wiz: Regardless, McGruff certainly had a massive impact, leading the charge against crime. Boomstick: I mean, that's seriously impressive, considering all my dog does is sit around licking his balls. Wiz: McGruff's not just any dog, he's a six foot tall, bipedal bloodhound, a dog breed known for their excellent sense of smell, an extremely powerful bite, and floppy, adorable ears. Scaling him to your average bloodhound, McGruff can likely run 45 miles per hour, jump ten feet high, and bite with enough pressure to break bones. Boomstick: And unlike my dog, McGruff wears a cool trench-coat, which not only protects him from the rain and cold, but gives off a neat detective vibe. Wiz: However, unlike Thailand's air chief marshall, Mr. Fufu... Boomstick: Rest in peace, buddy. Wiz: True story, McGruff doesn't appear to hold an official police rank. He calls himself a "pre-tective", which is just as fake as it sounds. Boomstick: Whoa, wait, if a crime hasn't happened yet, then how does he know to stop it? That's like some "Minority Report" shit. Wiz: He possesses a certain set of skills to do so, he has a keen eye for details and context clues, he's exceptional at analyzing and predicting potential crimes in progress. Death Battle Wiz: Alright! The combatatants are set, let's end this debate once and for all Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle! Results Wiz: The Winner is... Trivia * This episode features a number of firsts: ** This is the first battle using PSA characters. ** This is the first ever Death Battle to have a hand-drawn Animation. ** This is the first death battle to be animated by animation house, BlindFerret. * According to both the Shredder VS Silver Samurai commentary and the 40th episode of DEATH BATTLE CAST! this fight has been planned to happen for 3 years. * This Death Battle can be considered the sixth Joke Battle of the series, after Goomba VS Koopa, Justin Bieber VS Rebecca Black, Starscream VS Rainbow Dash, Chuck Norris VS Segata Sanshiro and Deadpool VS Pinkie Pie. * Both Smokey and McGruff have originated from The Advertising Council, Inc. Category:Death battles Category:Upcoming death battles Category:'Mascots' themed Death Battles Category:'Animals' themed Death Battles Category:Season 4 Episodes Category:Fights with voice actors Category:Joke Battles Category:'Rivalry' themed Death Battles Category:Fights animated by BlindFerret Category:Traditionally animated Death Battles